Sunday, October 25, 2009

Post from Wilbur

Wilbur was reading the cover of Parade magazine today. It featured Hillary Clinton with the headline: Madame Secretary. His comment was, "Oh, she's a madame now."

The Warlock has inspired REDACTED to publish his own exclusive and highly sought after chili recipe.

2 large cans of prebuilt chili by REDACTED.
1 quart tomatoes lovingly canned by REDACTED.
1-2 pounds of tenderized cow cooked for REDACTED hours in a crock pot.
Dump all ingredients into a cauldron (term the Silly Witch and Warlock understand) and heat to boiling.
Serve with REDACTED amounts of onions, cheese, and chili Fritos.

Sunday, October 11, 2009


This is a quiz about family members from grandparents to aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. Some people are in the quiz more than once. See if you can identify these family members:

1) As a child said quite often that she had "...switched her mind."

2) Was a straight A student in High School, but decided she would rather be a Mom than study medicine.

3) Had a younger brother named Thad.

4) Sold homemade lollipops at school to finance a volleyball trip to China. Then, she couldn't go to China because of the Tieneman (sp?) Square uprising.

5) After her first week in high school beginning Spanish, her teacher moved her to 2nd year Spanish.

6) Although she was a little girl, as a four year old she often asked to wander around in shorts with no shirt. In High School, after she gave up being topless, she worked as a lifeguard.

7) This guy was a darned good gymnast in High School.

8) Loved to play a song called Deep Purple on the piano.

9) Took a long, long bike trip, through more than one state on his own.

10) Served a mission to Australia.

11) Had to send out notes to all her wedding guests changing her wedding date because her fiance's baseball team won the state baseball championship. The championship meant that the fiance would be playing in a tournament the weekend of the wedding.

12) When at age four he could not find his way to his friend's house, he removed every stitch of clothing and ran naked through the sprinkler.

13) Is an awesome artist.

14) Was part of a dance group that dressed up as can-can dancers.

15) Once when she ran out milk and needed some to bake a cake, she caught and milked one of the beef cattle to solve her problem.

16) Won an award for getting 10 consecutive rifle shots within the circumference of a dime.

17) Won a prestigious award for his carpentry work.

18) Is an interpreter for the deaf. Coached a basketball team comprised of deaf students.

19) Was a promising distance runner during high school.

20) Won seven or more medals at state track meet.

21) Had a great batting average when he played baseball.

22) Was Salutatorian for her High School. Also taught herself knitting, and crocheting, and the lost art of tatting lace.

23) Was a cheerleader in the 9th grade.

24) Missed several track practices to participate in a drama meet. When the coach scolded her and told her she was out of shape, she answered the coach by high jumping 5 feet for a personal best.

25) In high school, this person worked nights and weekends as a janitor cleaning a law office.

26) When a guy asked her out for a 7 up after a church activity, she ended up footing the bill because the guy didn't have any money with him. She very wisely turned down a second date.

27) It was love at first sight when she saw her soon-to-be-husband.

28) He and several of his friends dressed up in various Halloween costumes, although it was not Halloween, and went to Wal Mart. We still don't know why.

29) These two women have yellow as a favorite color.

30) Born May of 1949

1) Hermione
2) Petunia
3) Grandma L.
4) Rachel
5) Prudence
6) Rachel
7) Uncle David
8) Grandma R.
9) Uncle Kevin
10) Aunt Athena
11) Aunt Bev
12) Chris
13) Anna
14) Grandpa R. (Helena's Bearded Ladies)
15) Grandma L.
16) Orville
17) Uncle Curt
18) Kelly
19) Wilbur
20) Eglantine
21) Uncle Jack
22) Aunt Colleen
23) Aunt Bev
24) Hermione
25) Wilbur
26) Deon
27) Grandma R.
28) Orville
29) Eglantine and Petunia
30) Uncle Murray

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Mother of the Year - NOT!

I have it on good authority that I will never be elected mother of the year. According to my oldest daughter, Petunia, my elementary school children were the only children at their school who did not have pierced ears at age eight and who were required to help with the dishes. All the other children at their school regularly had cocktail parties, owned clothes with designer labels, and flew on their Lear jets to the Riviera for the Holidays. And here were my children: they were ordered to turn off the Saturday morning cartoons at 9:00 a.m. What was the reason for the T.V. going dark at this unheard of hour? So they could do WORK. Yes, manual labor. They cleaned bathrooms, emptied the garbage, washed walls, and mopped floors.
This uncalled for toil is only part of the whole reprehensible story. You probably remember that my poor, neglected children were only allowed two birthday parties where they invited their classmates: at age five and age eight. The rest of the birthday parties were just family parties and the grandmas, grandpas, aunts, uncles, and cousins came. The poor kids. Somehow they survived with only minor emotional scars. One of the children poured this tale of woe into the ears of a classmate’s mother. This woman was so appalled at this neglect that she offered to have a birthday party for my poor, neglected twins.
Another evidence of my total disregard for my children’s well being was the fact that I refused to buy their jeans at the boutiques in the mall. Every other 7th grader had designer jeans that cost $75 and came from the exclusive shops in the mall. Sale jeans from Shopko just did not make the grade for school clothes. Any 7th grader could have told you that. Finally, I got tired of the school shopping clothes dilemma. I gave my under privileged children summer jobs around the house so they could earn money for school clothes. Then I turned them loose and let them buy their own clothes. The odd thing was that the Shopko jeans that were completely unacceptable the year before, suddenly became a sought after item. I heard Petunia tell Prudence, “Let’s go shopping this afternoon! Shopko has jeans on sale for $12.99 a pair.”
Foregoing nomination as mother of the year was completely worth it. If you have ever watched the clock, praying for the time to pass so that parents will come SOON to pick up the 23 children in you charge, you know that no accolade is worth sitting on that powder keg five times a year. Once in a lifetime time praise of the press cannot compete with a little help cleaning the house every week. And I would gladly exchange the Nobel Prize for children who happily shop sales.